


Heartless

by mayalice



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, or at least a hopeful ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:41:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26711605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mayalice/pseuds/mayalice
Summary: There is something inside Lena's chest, but it's not a human heart. Kara can hear the weird metallic sounds it makes and a chill spreads down her spine. The woman in front of her is a stranger. But she is still her Lena. Hurt and betrayed and broken beyond repair, but still the woman Kara loves with all her heart.Or the one where Kara gets stuck in the dark reality from the 100th episode and falls in love with Metallo Lena.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 23
Kudos: 307
Collections: Supercorp Big Bang 2020





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Heartless (Art)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26724124) by [gothambluebirds (radminran)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/radminran/pseuds/gothambluebirds). 
  * Inspired by [Heartless (Art) “Why do you keep coming back?”](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26920081) by [BadMonsterFr](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadMonsterFr/pseuds/BadMonsterFr). 



She can’t find Lena’s heartbeat. 

As if Kara needed any more indication that coming here was a terrible, terrible idea. She never wanted to be in this reality to begin with. When Mxyzptlk offered to show her this world, she wanted to say no. She didn’t want to choose a world where she and Lena aren’t friends, but she was desperate enough to think maybe Lena would be better off without her and now she is standing beside the broken shards of her apartment and the city is uncharacteristically quiet without the familiar rhythm of Lena’s heart.

She doesn’t need to know what happened to the city to decide she isn’t staying. She wants to go home. She had seen more than enough already. All she wants is to go back to a world where her loft is still standing, a world where it’s not too late to fix things. She calls out to Mxyzptlk to bring her back, but something must have gone terribly wrong because long moments pass and nothing happens. She is stuck here. 

She exhales with relief when she finds Alex’s heartbeat a couple blocks from her, fast and uneven, but definitely still beating. Once she knows where to look, finding the others is fairly easy. Kelly. Nia. J'onn. Brainy. They are all okay. Or at least, not in any immediate danger. She lets the sound of their heartbeats ground her as she breathes in and out and tries to figure out her next move. 

Lena’s heart is nowhere to be found. 

Kara knows it doesn't have to mean anything. That it doesn’t necessarily mean what she is afraid it means. That Lena might be simply too far for her to hear her heartbeat. That maybe without Kara in her life (no one to write flattering articles about her, no one to stand up for her, always) there was nothing to make her stay in National City and she is safe and sound away from her. But the mere thought that Lena might not be alive in this reality… it's unbearable. 

_

The truth turns out to be even more unbearable.

The city is in shambles. A graveyard of broken buildings and dark windows and Lena is sitting on the iron throne, her expression cold and terrifying as she rules over her army of zombies. 

There is something inside Lena's chest, but it's not a human heart. Kara can hear the weird metallic sounds it makes and a chill spreads down her spine. The woman in front of her is a stranger. But she is still her Lena. Hurt and betrayed and broken beyond repair, but still the woman Kara loves with all her heart.

_“You don't know the first thing about pain. But I do. I can show you, make you feel what I feel.”_

There is no recognition in Lena’s eyes when she looks at her, only pain, and it cuts Kara like a thousand little knives. This is worse than the reality where she dies in her arms, worse than the months she spent in the Vanishing Point thinking she would never get to see her again. This is a whole new kind of torture, a nightmare Kara desperately wants to wake up from. But it’s real. She can feel it, the kryptonite in the air, Lena’s breath on her skin, Alex’s panicked voice in her earpiece. Kara’s mind goes into overload, the world spiraling out of control and Kara can’t move, can’t think, can’t do anything but look into Lena’s eyes and search for something familiar to hold on to. 

There is a flash of green and Kara can feel her skin burning, burning, burning. 

She can't fight Lena. She is tired of losing her over and over again, tired of fighting for a relationship that is clearly on its dying breaths. She is just tired, period. She doesn’t know what would happen to her if she dies here, if this time it would be permanent, but for a moment she is ready to let go. She can feel the kryptonite hitting her body, can feel the way it eats at her insides and weakens her heart.

(Maybe this is what she deserves).

But what would happen to everyone else if she is gone? She did this. She can’t leave them to deal with this mess on their own. She can't die tonight. She has to fix it. She has to find a way to get through to Lena.

"Do you think I don't know pain?” She says, struggling to stand up. “I watched my whole planet die, watched everyone and everything I love go up in flames and then I ended up in a strange new world where I needed to hide my identity every single day, and I was angry.”

Lena’s expression is unreadable but she doesn’t hit her with more kryptonite so Kara takes it as a sign to continue.

“I felt so angry and alone but I found people that love me. I found family and friends and a new purpose in life. I found new reasons to live. New reasons to hope." 

"Is this where you tell me I'll find people too?” There is mockery in Lena’s voice. “Spare me the hope speech, Supergirl. I don't need people. All people ever do is let you down.”

Kara doesn’t know what to say. She sounds so much like her Lena and if Kara had the right words ready, the perfect speech that would make Lena trust her again, she wouldn’t be here now. 

"You’re right,” she says quietly. “People disappoint. People leave. People do horrible things to each other, but they also love each other and support each other and save each other."

“Like you saved me? Like you were there for me?” Lena’s lips quiver. “Did you think you could swoop in with your cape and those pretty blue eyes, and what? I'd just give up everything I've built? I don't need your help, Supergirl. I'm doing just fine on my own." 

Lena’s heart glows dangerously again. It’s getting a little hard for Kara to breathe. She doesn’t have a lot of time. 

“But I was there for you. I know you can’t remember but in another life I saved you when your helicopter was attacked. And you saved me, more times than I can count. You are my best friend.”

“I don’t need friends.”

“Lena…” She breathes out Lena’s name, shaky and desperate. “You have so much more to give to the world. The Lena I know, she is kind-hearted and brilliant and she wants to do good. What happened to her?”

“She is dead,” Lena spits out. “She died when my mother locked me up in her lab, when I escaped only to be treated like a monster, when I killed my brother and it did nothing to ease this pain.”

Her expression is perfectly controlled but Kara spent years studying every little nuance to Lena’s face and she picks up on the vulnerability underneath. 

“No. You’re wrong. She’s still here. I can see her.” 

Kara is starting to lose consciousness, but she is almost certain she saw a single tear rolling down Lena’s cheeks. She waits for the last wave of kryptonite, for the blow that would finally end this, but it never comes.

When she opens her eyes, Lena is gone. 

_

Not all worlds have a big, dramatic, ending. Some die quietly, slipping between your fingers when you are busy wishing to be somewhere else.

She did this. She created this world with her selfish meddling and now she is trapped. She doesn't know how to undo it, doesn't know if she would ever be able to find her way back home and she is terrified. 

Kara can’t believe this is happening. It feels like a bad dream. The world as she knows it is gone and all she is left with is this broken shell. National City is a war zone. Hope robots infest every street corner, arresting everyone who refuses to join the Non Nocere protocol. There are not many of them left. Everyone else is… Kara can’t put her finger on what exactly is wrong with them, but there is an underlying feeling of uncanniness she can’t shake. Everything seems a little off; the city is too quiet, the people too nice, the conversations too dull. But when you spend a prolonged time with one of them you start to notice things. The way they occasionally lose their train of thought in the middle of a sentence, the monotone pitch of their voice, the way their movements are a little clumsy like two forces are fighting for autonomy inside them. 

She has no idea how to fix this. She knows she has to fix this. She can’t let this broken world become her reality. (She can’t be responsible for all this pain). But Mxyzptlk is gone. Her ride home has left her here without so much as directions to the closest wormhole, and it’s not like Kara has any other fifth dimensional friend to come to her rescue. She’s never felt more helpless. 

She doesn’t sleep the first couple of nights. Her mattress in the tower is too thin and her mind runs in a million different directions. The limited knowledge this world has on fifth dimension energy led her nowhere, but there must be another way home, right? A portal or a wormhole, or a pair of Ruby slippers. 

This can’t be how it ends.

It feels like a cosmic joke. The great Supergirl overpowered by her own silly wish. It’s hard not to drown in a pool of self pity. Her world is gone and this is all her fault. All those people dying, all the pain and tears and losses. Even on the Girl of Steel’s shoulders, they feel heavy. 

(She should have known better). 

_

She feels numb. She doesn’t eat. She doesn’t sleep. She doesn’t get out of bed. She just lays there and stares at the ceiling and ignores her friends’ worried glances. 

They are all very understanding and, if anything, it just drives her mad. All the attention feels suffocating. She doesn’t deserve it. They should hate her for ripping them away from their reality, not try to comfort her. 

Kelly, always the therapist, tried to get her to talk but Kara doesn't feel like talking. She wants to punch and break things until her insides don’t feel like they are on fire anymore, and when she almost melts the floor with her heat vision Kelly finally leaves her alone. 

Nia looks like she matured overnight, her expression more serious and her jokes less frequent. She looks at her like she is struggling to see her hero in this broken, mess of a person and Kara thinks _good_. She doesn’t know how to be a hero after all she’s done. How can she look people in the eye, knowing she is the only one to blame for their condition? 

It’s Alex who snaps her out of it in the end. She takes away her blanket, ignoring Kara’s groans of complaint, and forces her out of bed and into the bathroom with the heat of her glare. She leaves her there with a clean towel and an order to get less stinky before they have their chat. 

Kara doesn’t bother to wait for warm water. She stands under the freezing cold stream, letting it wash over her until she feels a little more put together. Alex is waiting for her when she emerges eventually, wearing old DEO sweats and braiding her hair loosely to one side after a lazy attempt to brush it with her fingers. 

She wraps Kara in a tight hug, and Kara lets herself get lost in it for a moment. Alex holds her in a way that would have been bone crushing if Kara was human, leaning into her shoulders with the gravity of all her weight, and it’s exactly what Kara needs to feel relaxed and grounded. 

When Alex pulls away, her expression is serious. 

“I know you’re hurting,” she gives Kara’s hand a reassuring squeeze, “and I’m sorry about your world. If there is a way to bring you back home, I’m going to do everything in my power to help you find it but in the meantime, people need you here. We need you here. You are still Supergirl, whether you want it or not, and every second you are not there fighting, people are losing hope. Or worse. So I’m asking you to get it together. Do you think you can do it? Can you try for me? For them?” 

Kara’s only answer is a tiny, barely there nod, but that seems to be enough for Alex. She gives her another hug before dragging her to the kitchen and trying to cook something fit to satisfy a starving alien with their limited supply. 

Kara isn’t a stranger to loss. There is a planet shaped hole in her heart that will never fully heal, and losing another world so soon after crisis leaves her with barely any healthy tissue left. She gets up anyway. She puts on the suit and she fights Lena’s stupid robots and she gives a few hope speeches until she starts to believe her own words. 

She can’t go home, but maybe it’s not too late for this world. Maybe she can still fix things. 

_

The problem is that technically, Lena isn’t doing anything illegal. She took over the city slowly and methodically, winning people over with her promise of a better world. To the outside world, she is a hero. She invested billions in rebuilding the city from the ruins Lex left behind and put all her effort into creating a safer society for everyone. People only see the advertisement about the decline in the crime rate and the safer work environment. They are not here to see the hollowness in people’s eyes, the robots guarding all the exits, the fear of the aliens who saw similar things happened in their home planets and have to watch another world collapse before their eyes. 

Kara reports everything she sees in her blog. She offers food and protection to the refugees, earning their trust and making new alliances, but there aren’t a lot of people who are willing to fight. Most of them just want to keep themselves and their families safe, and they have no interest in jumping into another battle. 

Kara makes a couple of speeches and saves the shelter from Reign's attack, and eventually, they manage to convince some of them to join the resistance. 

When they find Ruby Arias hiding at an abandoned house with a group of other teenagers, she becomes their youngest member. 

She hasn’t seen Lena since their first meeting. Kara knows she is out there, giving orders and calling her a terrorist and a liar on her daily newsflashes. But she doesn’t come for her. She unleashes Reign to terrorize their people and sends bigger, better robots when Kara crashes the old ones into pieces, but she never joins the fight in person. Kara finds herself wishing she would. She is aching for a confrontation. For a chance to look deep into Lena’s eyes and see if her best friend is still in there. She dreams about her, showing up mid-fight, with her black suit and dark lipstick and high boots instead of her usual heels. It leaves her body tingling, fills her with anticipation. But Lena doesn’t come. 

When Kara flies by her window one night, it’s out of habit more than anything else. She is getting back from her night patrol and finds herself making her way to the L-Corp building on autopilot. 

Lena’s light is still on. 

She can see her through the window, staring at her computer screen with a frown on her face. The picture is so mundane, something Kara saw her Lena do more times than she can count. She looks almost soft, with strands of hair falling out of her tight bun and a coffee mug cradled between her hands, that it’s hard to believe that this is the same woman who shot kryptonite straight out of her chest the last time they met. 

And for a moment Kara just stays there and pretends everything is normal. She comes back the next night. And the ones after that. In the beginning she just hovers there, watching Lena from a distance, and lets herself get soaked in her longing until Lena finally finishes her work for the night and goes home. 

But after a while, Lena starts noticing her presence. She doesn’t say anything. Kara doesn’t either. They just stare at each other quietly until one of them gives up.

_

“You’re not seriously considering going to her again? Not after what happened last time.” 

Alex looks at her like she’s out of her mind when she finds out. But Kara's need to see Lena again only became more intense in the past few days. 

“If she really wanted to kill me she would have done it already.”

“She very nearly did!” Alex’s voice rises in a slight panic. 

“But she didn't,” Kara insists. “She let me go” 

“She left you there to die!” Alex sighs dramatically like she has had enough of this conversation already. “If we hadn’t gotten there in time, the kryptonite in your system would have been enough to kill you.” 

“Why leave it to chance then? Why not finish the job?” Kara asks. “I was able to get through to her, I know I did. That’s why she hesitated. There’s still some good in her. If I could just talk to her again-” 

The worry wrinkle on Alex’s forehead deepens. 

“Look, I get it. It must be horrible to see your friend like this. But she’s a different person here, a person who has done terrible things. Things I don’t think she can come back from. You should focus on finding a way to stop her, not trying to make up for the past.” 

Kara doesn’t like the tone Alex uses. She is not a child. She can make her own choices.

“I’m sorry. But I have to try. If there is any chance she is still in there, I want to fight for her.” 

For a moment it looks like Alex is going to protest, but then her shoulders drop in defeat.

“Just promise me you’ll be careful, okay?” 

Her lips quiver slightly, and Kara tries to put on her most reassuring expression. 

“Promise.” 

_ 

“Come to surrender, Supergirl?” 

Lena’s voice is ice cold when she notices her standing on her balcony and Kara fights the chill that spreads all over her body. 

“Just to talk. If that’s okay. And it’s Kara.” 

Lena raises an eyebrow.

“And what exactly do you want to talk about, Kara?” 

She doesn’t have a speech ready, doesn’t know what to ask except _‘How did we get here?’_

Kara opens and closes her mouth a few times, feeling Lena’s eyes burning into her. 

“Why are you doing all of this?” She asks eventually, and proceeds to mentally slap herself because it sounds so childish. She bites her lip, “I know that deep down you’re a good person, and you must know what you’re doing is wrong-”

As soon as the word is out of her mouth Kara knows she made a mistake. Lena's face hardens. 

“Wrong? I’ve done more for this city than you ever did with your silly little cape. National City is the safest place in the world. There is no crime. No violence. No child abuse. No betrayal.”

“No free will,” Kara adds. 

Lena’s nostrils flare. 

“Only if their will is to hurt other people. I think it’s a fair trade.” 

The look in her eyes is awfully familiar and Kara allows herself to hope, for just a moment. 

“Don’t you see the wrong in this?”

“You know, you were right before. I am a good person. And I won’t stand here and tolerate these accusations.” 

She looks down at the city, her knuckles white against the railing of the balcony, and there is something in her eyes Kara can’t read. Reflection? Regret? 

“You can’t fix everything with sunshine and hope speeches. Sometimes you have to take people’s free will in order to protect society as a whole. Didn’t you used to lock up hostile aliens all the time in that secret organization of yours? Wasn’t it against their will?” 

“Yes, but-”

“So you’re the only one who gets to play god?” She looks at her pointedly and Kara swallows. This argument is starting to feel familiar. 

“That's not what I’m trying to say-”

“And why should I listen to anything you have to say? You are nothing but a righteous superhero with nothing to stand on.” 

But Kara looked into the glassy eyes of the people on the streets. She heard the cries of the refugees. She felt the kryptonite eating her from the inside out. She can’t look away. She can’t pretend. She can’t downplay all of Lena’s evil deeds, even if the whole world does. It could have been so easy to believe the headlines. To listen to all the articles praising Lena’s new technology. To turn off her reason and join the mob of zombies. But this isn’t right. She has to stop her. She has to get her back. 

“Lena.” 

Kara breathes out Lena’s name in a quiet plea and something breaks in Lena’s expression for just a split second before her mask slips back on. 

“Goodbye, Supergirl.”

Her hand grasps the collar of her shirt in a quiet threat, but she doesn’t rip it open to reveal the kryptonite heart underneath, just looks at Kara in challenge, until she gives up and flies away. 


	2. Chapter 2

“You really do have a death wish,” Lena greets when Kara shows up at her office the next day. Kara can tell immediately that it’s an empty threat but she still hesitates when she opens Lena’s balcony door and steps inside. 

Lena follows her with her gaze, intrigued, as Kara puts the take out bags on her desk and force a wide smile.

“I hope you still like Big Belly Burger.”

Lena eyes the bags suspiciously. 

“Don’t tell me you’ve never had Big Belly Burger.” 

Kara knows she hasn’t. She remembers introducing Lena to the world of greasy fast food, but that was another world and another Lena. This version of Lena didn’t have a Kara to corrupt her eating habits. 

“What do you want, Kara?” 

“To eat lunch with you.”

“Why?”

Kara shrugs. 

She has a plan. Or, more like a desperate moonshot, a pounding hope that she can find a way to chip through Lena’s walls. 

“Just thought you could use the company,” she bites her lip before adding, "and so do I.”

Lena looks at her like she is trying to assess her sanity. 

“You know I’m not her, right?” The look on her face is too cold. Her lipstick too red. Her heart is beating to a completely wrong rhythm. 

“I know. I still want to have lunch with you.”

Lena stares at her for a long moment, like she is trying to read her, but then something flickers in her eyes for just a split second and she closes her laptop and grabs the closest bag of take-out. 

Kara grins. 

_ 

Lena doesn’t try to kill her this time. Or the time after that. Kara starts making a habit of stopping by her office, carrying Lena’s favorite food and nurturing the tiny thread of hope she is holding on to.

Lena is just as ferocious on the battlefield, just as eager to sabotage the hero’s plans and stop everyone who stands in her way with her robots lurking in the dark and her minions coming closer to beating them every time. But they have this unspoken agreement between them whenever Kara shows up on Lena’s balcony, they enter an intermediate space where they stop being rivals and they can just be.

Lena doesn’t speak much, but she doesn’t tell Kara to go away. When Kara shows up after a few days spent in Metropolis, catching Clark up on their progress and trying to convince Perry White to publish her blog posts in the Daily Planet, it almost looks like she missed her.

Kara’s heart goes out to her. She can’t imagine how lonely she must be. Does she even talk to anyone who isn’t her AI assistant or one of her minions? Kara doesn’t recall seeing her exchanging more than a few sentences with anyone else. Something tells her Reign isn’t the best conversation partner. And that's just so unbelievably sad. It fills Kara with a persistent need to change that. To be the person Lena needs. 

_

“I didn’t know being an evil dictator requires so many spreads sheets.” 

“Neither did I,” Lena deadpans.

She’s barely touched her salad in the past forty five minutes, completely focused on her computer screen.

It’s a little boring, if Kara is being honest. She assumed that spending the day with a super villain would be more exciting. She was ready for mad scientist Lena, not CEO Lena, but it’s been weeks and she still hasn’t seen the inside of Lena’s lab. All the woman seems to do is run her company as usual and prepare for the worldwide spread of Non Nocere, which is most definitely evil but it feels kind of vanilla, all things considered. 

So she does what she usually does when Lena is too busy to have lunch with her; she hangs around in her office, occupying herself with the prototypes on Lena’s desk or flipping through scientific journals and sighing loudly every now and then until Lena turns her attention back to her. 

Lena looks at her almost fondly now and closes her laptop. 

“I guess these reports can wait.”

Kara beams.

Lena eats while Kara tells her funny anecdotes from her first years on Earth, taking pride in every time she manages to make Lena smile. She doesn’t leave until it’s almost time for her to go on night patrol.

_

Some days it’s hard to tell where her Lena ends and the new one begins. The more time she spends in her presence, the more the lines get blurred. Two years of pain and isolation can wreck a person, they can drive a person over the edge. But the Lena she comes to know isn’t mad. She reminds Kara so much of the Lena she left back home, blinded from the pain of Kara’s betrayal. Angry and sad and misguided, but still the same Lena that Kara met at L-Corp all those years ago. Her trauma goes deeper, her scars more visible, but underneath it all there is still a person craving love and acceptance. 

“You gotta be kidding me,” Alex glares at her disapprovingly and Kara bites her lip hard in an attempt to stop it from quivering. Alex keeps looking at her like she grew a second head, or suggested the tyrant that terrorizes the city has good intentions. 

“Look, I’m not saying what she’s doing isn’t bad. Because it is. Very, very bad,” she emphasizes, “but I think I get where she’s coming from.”

“You can get why she brainwashed an entire city?” Alex lets out a long suffering sigh, “Jeez Kara, I knew letting you get anywhere near her was a bad idea.”

“I’m not justifying her. I’m just saying I can see why she’s doing all this.” Why can’t Alex see it?

“Enlighten me then, why is she doing this?”

“I used to lay awake at night, hearing all those screams and fights from people's windows and feeling absolutely helpless.” Kara takes a deep breath. “I don’t hear them anymore.”

Something softens in Alex’s gaze. 

“I know her methods are wrong but she is protecting people, in her own twisted way. She is so deeply hurt from everything that happened to her, and I can see why she finds comfort in a world where everyone is always kind and loyal and nice to each other. Even if it’s just an illusion.”

Alex looks like she is about to argue with her but Kara continues, “I know she has done some terrible things but she’s still Lena, you know? She creates scholarships so kids can go to college and donates money to charities and tries to cure cancer... so excuse me for trying to keep seeing the good in her.” 

“You really love her,” Alex says with a sense of surprise. 

“Of course I love her. She’s my best friend.”

The look Alex gives her says that’s not what she meant at all. 

Kara leaves before she gets a chance to say anything else. 

_

“Do you play chess?” Lena asks when she sees Kara examining the chessboard on her coffee table. 

“No,” Kara says as she brushes her fingers against the board absentmindedly. “We had something similar on Krypton that I used to play with my father, but I never learned how to play Earth’s version of it.” 

A wave of nostalgia washes over her. 

“I can teach you, if you want,” Lena says. 

“Really?” It’s such a tiny, insignificant offer, but it’s the first time Lena has made an effort to connect with her and Kara sees that for what it is; a step forward, an invisible thread pulling Lena toward her. 

“Sure.”

She moves to sit next to Kara on the couch and starts explaining about the different pieces. Her eyes shine as she tells her about the first trophy she won, and how it was the first time she felt like a true Luthor. 

_

As it always is with Lena it’s one step forward, two steps back. Every time Kara thinks she’s making progress, every time Lena starts to open up just a crack, and Kara lets herself believe everything is going to be okay, she crashes into a ten foot wall at their next meeting. 

It’s exhausting. 

_

“She sounds lovely, but she isn’t me,” Lena tells her, and there is something that looks almost like hurt on her face. It’s the same expression she wears every time Kara talks about the other Lena. The one her Lena used to wear whenever someone made her feel like she isn’t enough. Kara curses herself internally, but she can’t stop herself from talking about the Lena she knew. It’s like a reflex because everything this Lena does reminds her of her. She tries to explain that it’s not that she doesn't enjoy spending time with her (even if she is the one who is doing most of the talking, even if some days she isn’t sure Lena wants her there at all), but she is still so terribly homesick, and not talking about her Lena anymore feels a lot like losing her all over again. Lena nods in understanding, but she keeps her distance over the next few days and Kara feels like she is back at square one. 

_

Clark is running late. It makes Kara nervous, makes her stomach rolling uncomfortably, thinking of everything that might have happened to him on his way. She paces back and forth on the roof until Alex puts a calming hand on her shoulder. 

“Stop it. You’re making me dizzy.” 

“He’s late.”

“I know. Let’s not worry about it until we have to. He’ll show up.”

Kara nods. 

“Do you think he found something?” 

The last time they spoke to Clark, he was trying to get inside information from a contact in the L-Corp labs. 

“I hope so. I’m tired of feeling so helpless.” 

Alex opens her mouth, like she wants to say something but thinks better of it and Kara doesn’t have time to delve on it because her super hearing picks up the rustling of a cape in the distance. She lets out a breath of relief when Clark lands next to her. 

“Sorry I’m late, there was a situation with some robots on my way out of the city.” 

“How are things back there?” 

Clark's expression turns serious. “Not great. The government has officially given Lena the green light to expand her research to Metropolis and the generous amount she offers to every participant makes a lot of people sign up.”

Kara grips the railing she’s leaning against so tight it breaks under her touch, startling Alex. 

“Jeez, Kara, be careful.”

Kara ignores her and turns to Clark.

“Any idea on how to stop her?”

“Actually, yes. My source claims he knows where L-Corp’s servers farm is.”

Kara’s body vibrates with anticipation. After all the emails and blog posts and pleas for someone higher up to interfere and put an end to Lena’s rule fell on deaf ears, they figured their best course of action was to find a way to sabotage Lena’s technology. The problem is that up until now, they had no idea where Lena keeps the main servers of Non Nocere. 

_

For all the places Lena could build her server farm, of course she chose Shelley Island, the one place on earth where Kara is powerless. And if that’s not enough, the place is practically fortified. There is a force field protecting it from spying eyes (even superpowered ones, which at least explains why they weren’t able to locate it until they knew where to look), Hope robots guard the entrances, and Reign and Brainy take shifts patrolling the area. They have no idea how much more is waiting for them inside the facility. Breaking in feels close to impossible, and they’re looking at months of watching and planning but it’s something. It’s a start. _

“You know, you keep talking about your world, but you never actually told me how you got here.” 

They’re playing chess again and Lena is obviously trying to distract her, because Kara has gotten pretty good over the past few weeks (and there isn't a single version of Lena out there who isn’t ridiculously competitive). It’s working. She ends up losing gloriously barely two minutes into her explanation, and Lena has a smug smile on her face when she declares her victory, but she tells Kara she still wants to hear the rest of the story. 

“So a fifth dimensional being offered you a deal to change reality and you took it?”

The look Lena gives her is mostly amused, but there is an unmistakable judgment in her tone. 

“I know, I know,” Kara ran her fingers through her hair hopelessly. “It wasn’t my best moment. I was afraid,” she tries to explain, “I was terrified of what might become of her if she would never forgive me.” 

“And you thought the best course of action is to lie to her again? To pretend you did the right thing all along?” Lena stares at her pointedly. 

“I know, okay?” Kara throws up her hands in defeat. “I messed up. And if I could go back I would do everything differently. I won't give up on trying to make it up to her, even if it’s going to take her forever to forgive me.” 

Lena looks thoughtful, biting her lip like she’s considering something. 

“You know, L-Corp uses fifth dimensional energy in some of our research.”

She says it so casually that it takes a moment for Kara’s mind to catch up and realizes what she is saying, and then her heart starts pounding loudly in her chest. It’s not that she gave up on the idea of going back home. It’s still there on her to-do list along with getting Lena to like her again and finding a way to free National City. It’s just not the most pressing matter anymore. Kara is nothing but adaptive, and though she still misses her world, she started getting used to this one. It’s a pale copy of what she had, but she has to work with what she has. There is no point in dwelling on things she can’t have. Now, presented with the actual possibility of going back, she can feel her body filling up with excitement. 

“You do?” Kara’s voice is thick with hope. “Do you know how to-”

“No,” Lena says, looking almost apologetic. “We’re nowhere that advanced in our study, but I can look into it. If you want.”

“You would do that for me?” There is wonder in Kara’s voice. A whole spectrum of emotions rises to the surface, begging for her attention. Because even in this world, when they are not friends exactly, or even on the same side, Lena still offers to help her. 

“If it’s going to get you out of my hair it might be worth a try,” Lena answers dryly. 

But Kara can see right through it and a wide grin spreads on her face. 

“Whatever you say.” 

_

It’s four AM, and Kara is startled awake. She sits up and looks around her confused. The Tower is quiet, and it takes her a moment to figure out what woke her up. To make out a single melody out of the million little sounds of the night. Somewhere out there, Lena is crying. 

She’s out of bed and launching into the night sky before she’s able to talk herself out of it. She’s never been to Lena’s house in this reality and when she lands on her balcony, it’s with a little hesitation. She stands there, frozen for a moment, wondering if she is overstepping, but then she hears a new sob and throws caution to the wind, stepping inside. 

“Lena?”

Lena’s bedroom door is open and even in the darkness, she can make out the outlines of her body, curled into a fetal position on the bed. She knocks lightly on the door. 

“It’s me. Can I come in?”

“What are you doing here?” 

“I just wanted to make sure you are okay. I… I heard you crying.”

“I’m fine, you can go now.”

“No.”

“No?”

“You’re obviously upset. I don’t mind staying a little if you want to talk.”

“Why do you even care?”

“I care about you.” 

“You do?”

Kara nods. 

“It was like I was there all over again. With nothing but the sound of the machines. Unable to speak. Unable to move. Just forced to lie there as my mother cuts me open and stitches me up and talks about me like I’m not even there.”

It’s the first time she hears Lena talk about her time in Lillian’s lab and it’s about as horrible as Kara imagined it. 

“I used to have nightmares in the first couple of years after I landed on Earth. It used to drive my sister crazy but no matter how much we didn’t get along at the time, every time I woke up from a nightmare she was there to calm me down and stay with me until I was ready to go back to sleep.”

“She sounds great.”

“She’s the best.” 

The quiet stretches between them. Lena’s looking at her in wonder, like she’s a complicated riddle she is trying to solve. Kara hesitates at the edge of Lena’s bed. 

“Can I?” Lena nods, and Kara sinks into the mattress, sitting awkwardly. Lena turns her head to the other side. This is too much. Too intimate. Every single one of her senses is filled with Lena. 

She uses the same conditioner her Lena did, something flowery and ridiculously expensive that Kara bought once in a failed attempt to get rid of the urge to bury her nose in Lena’s hair every time she hugs her. Lena is sniffling into her pillow, and all Kara wants to do is hold her in her arms. 

So she does. She shifts closer to her, her voice barely over a whisper when she asks if she can hug her. 

Lena’s _yes_ is half a sob, half a question, and Kara doesn’t waste any time before she puts her arms around her. 

It’s the first time Lena lets her hug her. Her defenses are weak with exhaustion, and the night is full of shadows to hide behind. Kara keeps holding her until long after she stops crying, long after she falls back to sleep, and it takes everything she has to pull away at the first rays of sunshine.

_

Kara can’t take her eyes off Lena all evening. She’s standing barefoot by her kitchen island, moving to the beat of the music as she cooks and the sight is so endearing that Kara’s heart almost bursts right out of her chest. After some bickering about Kara’s take-out choices and the need for vegetables in one’s diet, Lena promised to make her dinner and Kara didn’t think much of it. They’ve been having dinner together almost every night for weeks now and while the change of location definitely takes them a step forward in their relationship, it’s still just dinner, right? (Which is a completely normal activity to do with your ex-best-friend-turned-arch-nemesis, no matter how pointed the look Kelly gives her). Faced with the sight of Lena in jeans, a simple button-down shirt and what she believes to be a genuine smile, Kara has to reconsider. The smell is amazing, and Kara’s mouth already waters with the thought of home-cooked food, but there is another feeling underneath it, something Kara was terrified to touch until now. In the kitchen, Lena tastes the sauce, making a low sound of contentment and the room starts to feel suddenly hot. Kara takes another sip of her wine, wishing it would have an actual effect on her.

The food is incredible. She knew Lena knows how to cook (Is there anything Lena Luthor can’t do?), but it wasn’t something she did often in her old world, and Kara thinks she’s having some sort of religious culinary experience. Or maybe it’s just the way Lena looks at her now, her eyes glowing with desire, that sends waves of something hot and warm through Kara’s body. Lena isn’t fueled with kryptonite tonight (she rarely is these days) and the synthetic blood she uses instead makes her cheeks look flushed. It’s the most alive Kara’s seen her in months. 

There is a feeling of anticipation in the room after they finish eating. Lena puts their dishes in the sink and joins Kara back on the couch, and she can almost feel the electricity in the air between them. She should probably go, but Kara is reluctant to leave. Something she can’t name pulls her back to the couch, to _Lena_ , and all Kara can do is stay and let her feelings boil inside her. 

“Why do you keep coming back?” It’s Lena who breaks the silence eventually. She says it so quietly, her voice so tiny and bewildered that Kara doesn't think she meant to say it out loud. But now that the words are out there, they stand heavy between them. _Why do you let me stay?_ Kara thinks. She doesn’t have a good answer to Lena’s question. She’s been trying to explain it to her friends, to Alex, to herself for months, but it’s not as simple as her holding on to the belief that she can still bring Lena back to the light. There is a pull in her stomach that she can’t explain. Something she is too scared to even acknowledge, but she can feel it now in full force. 

“I don’t know.”

Lena has this look on her face like she is ninety-nine percent sure Kara is lying, and she leans forward. For a moment everything is still. Lena’s chest rises and falls. Someone switches the radio station in his car two blocks away and a sappy love song starts playing. 

Kara’s heart bursts in a new melody as she steps over the imaginary boundary and crashes their lips together. 

She would have never tried it with her Lena. A Lena who is gentle and breakable and the mere force of Kara’s grasp can shatter a few of her bones. But this Lena is strong. She isn’t a match to Kara’s strength, but she is a little more than flesh and blood, a little more than a fragile human, and she is returning the kiss with full force. 

Kara always imagined kissing Lena would be softer (back when she still let herself hope, before the devastating realization that she is Supergirl and a liar and she doesn’t get to have good things). But this Lena isn’t soft. She is a train wreck of teeth and nails and bones, crashing into Kara’s body at full speed.

It feels wrong, wrong, wrong, but there is also a throbbing between Kara’s legs that says right, right, right, and she doesn’t know how to reconcile these two voices so she just holds on to Lena like a lifeline, pressing into her more and more until she can’t hear anything but the humming of her blood. 

Lena is kissing her like she’s starving, her lips needy and demanding, like she’s been waiting for this for far too long, like she hasn't been touched in years and she doesn’t need a lot more than Kara’s warm body against her to come undone.

Her hands move on their own accord, reaching for the buttons of Lena’s shirt, but Lena is rerouting the movement mid-air, pressing Kara’s hands insistently just below her waistband. For a moment Kara just let her hands sit there, frozen, but then Lena says her name, her voice low and pleading, and Kara starts moving. She unbuckles Lena’s belt and navigates her way through buttons and zippers with a sense of eagerness. She gets a little carried away, her hands traveling everywhere to explore new skin, and Lena flinches when her hands touch something rough, a scar tissue up Lena’s thigh. 

Lena’s body stiffens at once. 

“Enough,” she hisses and puts Kara’s hands back where she wants them. 

Kara’s movements are slow and inexperienced, but Lena doesn’t seem to mind, her breath catching as she guides Kara’s fingers. Kara lets herself get lost in the sensation, Lena is soft and warm under her touch, and every quiet moan she makes feels like a new revelation. It fills Kara’s body with adrenaline, makes her want to draw out this sound from her again and again and again, and it’s not long before Lena’s hips are shaking, her expression free and unguarded as she comes apart. 

When Lena opens her eyes the look in them is so soft that it makes Kara want to cry, but then she seems to come to her senses, shaping her face back into something hard and cold. For a moment, Kara wonders if she is going to ask her to leave, but she just fixes herself and walks out of the living room, leaving Kara there with her heart pounding and an ache between her legs. 


	3. Chapter 3

Lena is avoiding her. She doesn't let her in when Kara comes to see her the next day. She keeps her balcony door closed, her blinds shut. Kara can still see her in there, curled up on the couch with a glass of whiskey and suspicious looking blueprints, but she respects her boundaries and doesn’t force her presence on her. 

She can’t really blame her. She’s still trying to process it herself. To give a name to the feeling that is seething inside her like lava. She spends hours in the air in an attempt to clear her head, but she can still feel Lena all over her skin. She’s never felt like that before, she’s never craved another person's touch as much as she craves Lena’s. It’s all a bit overwhelming. Now that she got a taste of her, the quiet longing from before is replaced with something louder. As if someone suddenly turned up the volume, leaving Kara with something she can no longer ignore. But as much as she wishes she could push the feeling back to where it came from, there is also a part of her that wants nothing more than to go inside and kiss Lena senselessly. 

Kara knows it’s complicated. She is so far away from home. She was not supposed to fall for this Lena. She was not supposed to stay. Kara is still not quite sure if there is a future for her here, let alone a future with Lena by her side. They took tentative steps toward each other over the past few months, moving from enemies to almost friends to whatever it is they are now, and Kara wants to believe they are heading somewhere but she knows it’s not that simple. Even if Lena would come around, even if she will own up her mistakes and help them repair the damage, it won't magically fix things. Nothing can erase what she did. Who she became. It’s going to take a lot more than Kara’s faith in her to get them through this. But still. There is something about her and Lena that feels almost inevitable. As if there is some cosmic rule that draws them to each other every single time, in every single universe. 

Lena spends most of her time in the lab. She doesn’t touch the food Kara leaves on her desk, doesn’t go home to sleep, or change her clothes and the dark circles under her eyes seem bigger every time Kara gets a glimpse of her. She can’t tell what she’s working on, can only hear her frustrated groans and the occasional explosions. She doesn’t know what to think, doesn’t want to jump to conclusions and assume the worst. That’s what got them here in the first place. If she hadn’t given up on Lena, if she hadn’t looked for a magical fix instead of working harder on earning back her trust, none of this would have happened. 

The city is surprisingly quiet. There weren’t any new raids in the past few days 

and according to Clark’s source, the Metropolis experiment was frozen until further notice. 

Alex thinks it’s a bad sign. She and Clark are convinced this is all a part of Lena’s game, all a part of a convoluted plan to fool them into thinking she is about to wave the white flag so she could finish whatever weapons she is working on without interference.

The others are inclined to take their side, and they look at Kara with pity as she tries to convince them that maybe, _just maybe_ , she was able to get through to Lena. 

“She really did a number on you, didn’t she?” Alex asks, and her eyebrows do that thing they always do when she’s concerned. She joined Kara on her patrol, insisting they hadn’t had time to chat in a while, but Kara suspects she only wanted to prevent her from checking on Lena. 

“Wha- What do you mean?” She was only trying to explain why rushing their plan to break into Shelley Island is a really bad idea. It’s too risky. They still know next to nothing on what waits for them inside. And while Lena knows where Kara stands on the matter, attempting to sabotage her servers now when they might be on the brink of something feels like betraying her trust. 

“I know you miss your Lena,” Alex says tenderly, “but this Lena is dangerous, and manipulative, and getting involved with her like that… what the hell were you thinking?”

Kara opens and closes her mouth, but no sound comes out. 

“I love her,” she says in a tiny voice. 

Alex’s face softens, and she lets Kara sink into her embrace. 

“Oh, Kara.”

_

“I can see you out there.”

Lena left her blinds open tonight, and Kara can see her sitting on her living room couch with a mug of tea. There are still heavy circles under her eyes, but she seems more relaxed and put together than she has in days. Kara flies inside with a gust of wind. 

“I wasn’t sure if you wanted to see me.” 

“Why are you here?” Lena asks, and despite her attempt to sound detached, Kara can tell she’s holding her breath. 

“My sister thinks you’re manipulating me.”

There is no change in Lena’s expression. “Is that what you think?”

“No,” Kara swallows. “Of course not” 

“How do you know that?” Lena asks, coldly. “How can you be sure I wasn’t just using you this whole time?” 

Kara takes a step forward. Lena startles slightly as she invades her personal space, but she doesn’t move. 

“I know you.” 

Lena’s heart makes a sound that reminds Kara of the noise her old computer used to make every time she opened too many tabs at once. Like the system is going into overload. 

“I’m not her.” Something in the way she says it makes Kara think she wishes she could be. 

“I know _you._ ” 

Kara reaches out to lay her hand on her chin. Lena closes her eyes, melting into the touch. 

“Why are you shutting me out?” 

For a long moment, Lena doesn't answer. But then she takes Kara’s hand and places it over her chest, where she can feel her mechanical heart beating under her fingertips. 

“Look at me. I'm hideous. I’m a monster. You don’t want that. No one can ever love someone like me.” 

It breaks Kara’s heart to hear her say that. She feels like she failed her all over again. Like she should have said it sooner, should have realized the depth of her feelings months ago, or maybe even long before that, back when they were just Kara and Lena and everything felt a lot less complicated. 

“You are beautiful,” Kara breaths out. Lena looks up at her in surprise. “And smart. And you

make this adorable expression when you beat me at chess. And you can cook really well, which, you know, is a pretty big bonus, considering how much I eat. “

Lena lets out something between a sigh and a chuckle. 

“You talk in your sleep. And you have this crinkle on your forehead when you are concentrating, and-” Kara presses her fingers against the fabric of Lena’s MIT sweatshirt, feeling the rise and fall of her chest. “Your heart is in the right place. Even if I can’t agree with your methods, I know you want to do good. You care, and you want to make the world better, and I think it’s admirable. I know you think your life has led you on a certain path, but I wish you could see yourself like I do. I wish you could let go of all this pain and anger and let someone in, because I-”

There are tears falling down Lena’s cheeks, and she moves her head from side to side like she is trying to shake off Kara’s words. Like she is trying to prevent her from saying something that might break her. But Kara has reached the point of no return. The words burn her throat, begging to be let out. 

“I love you.”

“You love me?” Lena asks in a tiny, hopeful voice. 

She nods.

“But what about your Lena?” 

Lena looks at her, bewildered, and Kara reaches out to touch her face, trailing her fingers over her skin like a blind man who tries to recognize a long lost friend. 

“You are my Lena.” 

And once she says it, she knows it’s the truth. Because somewhere along the way Kara stopped thinking in terms of ‘Old Lena’ and ‘New Lena’. The essence of Lena Luthor can’t be separated into two different people. There is only one Lena. This Lena. _Her_ Lena. And Kara’s already spent too much time denying the way her heart sings for her.

It’s Lena who kisses her this time. She cups Kara’s face and presses their lips together, fiercely at first, and then slow and soft, and Kara feels the weight lifting off her chest with every touch. 

Kara kisses her like there’s no rush. She maps Lena’s body with her lips and fingers, taking the time to listen and explore and admire every sound Lena makes. She can sense it all in high definition, every single moan and freckle, every mark and scar. Kara wants to stay like this forever; Lena, bare and open underneath her, her breaths music to Kara's ears, and no boundary between them as they harmonize together. 

There is a moment, after, when Lena gets quiet and Kara is afraid the spell is broken and she is going to shut her out again. But Lena pulls her back toward her, her eyes filled with a new kind of hunger, and a love confession falls off her lips. Then she takes Kara to bed and finds more ways to imprint the words ‘I love you’ onto her skin.

_

Twenty-four hours later she is landing on the pier of Shelley Island, hoping she’s not making a terrible mistake. 

“All good?” Alex asks.

She was pleased when Kara came to her this morning and said she wants to move along with the plan, but she keeps sending worried glances in her direction all day like she’s afraid that she’s going to change her mind. 

She isn’t going to. There is a knot of anxiety in her stomach, nausea that has nothing to do with the dinner she ate right before she flew here. (And everything to do with the way Lena looked at her across the table, her eyes warm and trusting.) _She is doing the right thing._ She repeats this mantra in her head all day, in a failed attempt to soothe her conscience.

Waking up alongside Lena this morning felt like a dream. Kara was ready for her to get cold and stiff, ready for her to tell her it was a mistake and kick her out. But instead, Lena smiled at her sleepily and snuggled closer to her side, her arms wrapped around her like she's the one at flight risk, and Kara didn’t want the moment to end. 

Kara kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, for the moment the world would come crashing through their window. Lena made her pancakes, and she looked absolutely horrified when she drowned them in maple syrup, but she didn’t protest when Kara cupped her face with sticky hands and kissed her. 

It’s only later, when Lena got ready to go to the office, and she mentioned offhandedly that she is going to be in Metropolis for work tonight, but she is free for an early dinner if Kara wants to stop by, that the doubts came back in full force. 

She could have asked her what the meeting is about. Could have asked if it had anything to do with Non Nocere, but she was afraid to say the wrong thing, afraid to break the delicate balance and push Lena in the wrong direction. She can’t do this anymore. Can’t pretend they are a normal, happy couple. She can’t keep walking on eggshells and hope Lena would come to the right conclusion on her own. She is too stubborn. And while Kara has complete faith in her, she doesn’t have all the time in the world to wait for Lena to finish her soul searching. Now is as good a time as any to execute their plan and with Lena out of the city, things just got a whole lot easier. 

She just hopes that Lena will forgive her. 

_ 

The plan goes like this: they split into groups, J’onn and Nia and a few members of the resistance create a diversion at one of L-Corp's facilities on the other side of town, sending Reign and Brainy and a half a dozen robots on their tail. 

Once the coast is clear, the others land in Shelley Island. Clark and Kelly stay behind to keep an eye for the return of Lena’s minions while Kara tosses a yellow sun grenade into the air and flies her and Alex beyond the wall. 

They find the storage room and change quietly into black uniforms with the L-Corp logo, like the ones they saw on the guards outside. Thankfully, they don't run into any other human on their way to the server room, and the robots they pass don’t spare them a second glance. 

The lock on the door is the same type Lena uses in her lab back home, and Kara types the familiar sequence of letters and numbers and holds her breath until there is a quiet buzz before the door clicks open. 

She barely manages to turn on the light before it all goes to hell. Kara hears the echo of a distant fight, followed by the alarming sound of her signal watch, and a split second later Reign shows up at the door, her eyes burning in anger. Alex doesn’t waste any time and fires a volley of kryptonite bullets at her, but other than slowing her down a bit, they don't seem to have much effect. She shoves her out of the way like she’s nothing but a nuisance and Alex falls to the floor, groaning in pain. 

Kara’s body fills with rage, and she launches forward to land her first punch. It's a swirl of movement after that. She locates the main server on the other side of the room, but Reign keeps sending her flying in the other direction. She shows no sign of being affected by the power dampening pillars, and soon Kara’s breath becomes heavy and her knuckles bleed as the effect of the yellow sun grenade starts to wear off. 

“I thought your motto was do no harm.” 

Reign just laughs, her eyes cold and empty, and Kara finds herself wondering if Sam is still in there somewhere, or if she is lost forever in this world.

She tries to block out all the outside noises, the shouts and crushes and tell-tale sound of breaking bones, and focus her energy on her next move. Another punch. Another kick. She can taste blood on her tongue. Her head is dizzy. Her ribs burn. Reign grabs her by the collar of her suit, and Kara can feel the air slowly leaving her lungs. Her vision turns blurry. 

“Let her go. She’s mine.” 

The voice sounds muffled as if she is hearing it from underwater and at first, Kara can’t be sure she isn’t dreaming. But then Reign drops her, and she stumbles to her feet, gasping for air. Slowly, the room around her starts to make sense again, and her stomach drops when she looks up and sees Lena standing at the door. Her heart glows bright green, and she looks at Kara with an expression she can’t read. 

Kara shudders when she starts moving in her direction, but Lena doesn’t go to her. She turns straight to the control center, typing rapidly until a mechanical voice declares, “Self-destruction protocol activated. The system will destroy itself in three-two-one”. 

The room quiets at once. The machines stop buzzing. The robots outside freeze mid-fight. All across National City, people start to wake up. 

Lena falls on Kara’s shoulders. 

“I never wanted people to get hurt. I just wanted to stop the pain. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“Shh… I know. I know. It’s okay. It’s over now.”

_

“Is it really necessary?” 

In the dim light of J’onn’s office, Lena looks suddenly small. She hasn't said a word since the others found them. She held on tight when Kara flew her to the Tower, still sobbing quietly into her shoulder, and didn't even try to resist when Alex cuffed her to J’onn’s bookcase. She can still escape if she wants to, the kryptonite is still glowing in her chest and she can blow the place down and be out of here in a heartbeat, but Kara knows that she wouldn't. She made her choice. 

The others are a lot less convinced of this change of heart. Alex votes to throw her into the darkest cell they can find. Kelly thinks they should let the police handle it. Kara watches Lena, pale and unmoving and she wants to wrap her in her arms and take her somewhere safe. 

They agree they are going to be smarter in the morning, once the whole city is awake, and official charges can be made. They take turns watching her in the meantime, and Kara volunteers to take the first shift, pouting until Alex reluctantly agrees. She opens a window, letting the early morning light enter the room and regenerate her cells. Then she takes a chair and sits next to Lena. 

“I’m sorry,” she says after a long silence. 

“Don’t be,” Lena’s voice is quiet, defeated. “You did what you had to do.” 

“I tried to convince them to let you go.” 

“I imagine this didn’t go very well?” There is a hint of a smile at the corner of Lena’s lips. 

She sighs. “I wish they could see you like I do” 

“It’s fine. Just make sure they send me somewhere with sunlight okay? I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in the dark.” Her tone is light, but Kara can see the fear in her eyes. 

“I’m not going to let that happen. You deserve a fair trial. And once you get a chance to explain yourself I’m sure they would come around.” 

“That’s sweet. But we both know everyone else can’t wait to throw me in some dungeon and throw away the key.”

The thought of Lena rotting away in some off-the-map prison makes her heart ache. She can’t bear it. 

“Let’s run then.” 

“What?”

“Let’s run,” Kara repeats and a big, goofy smile spreads on her face. She knows it’s reckless and a little bit crazy, but this might be the only way to protect Lena. The only way for them to stay together. 

“Where?” Lena whispers while Kara works on freeing her hands. 

“I don’t care. Wherever you want. Somewhere sunny, with a beach maybe. Where no one cares who we are and we can just be”. 

In her mind, she sees a small town, far away from here. Somewhere no one’s heard of Supergirl or Lena Luthor, and they can grow their own vegetables and go for hikes in the mountains and live. 

“No,” Lena protests. “I can’t let you do this. I don’t want you to leave your people behind. Not for me. Just let me go, I’ll be fine on my own.”

Kara tugs her closer. 

“I’m not giving up on you. Not again," she insists. "Even if it means I would spend the rest of my life in a cabin in the middle of nowhere. I don’t mind. I just want to be with you.”

Lena smiles softly, tucking Kara’s hair behind her ears, and places a gentle kiss on her lips. 

“Okay. We’ll go together. But there is something I need to show you first.”

_

The L-Corp building is quiet this time of day. They walk in silence, Lena leading her through the empty corridors down to the bottom floor, to the very edge of a long hallway where Kara knows her private lab is located. 

Kara can feel the tension in the air between them, can feel the way Lena is pulling away from her like she is already saying goodbye. 

“Why are we here?” 

Lena doesn’t answer. Instead, she opens the door and motions Kara to follow her inside. Even with the lights off, there is something in the center of the room that radiates a light blue energy. 

“What is it?” Kara thinks she already knows the answer. 

“The night you got here, there was an unusual spike in fifth dimensional energy levels that allowed you to cross into this world. Ever since you asked for my help, I’ve been trying to find a way to recreate it.”

For a moment, everything freezes. 

“You found me a way home.” 

“I did," Lena nods, before fidgeting with her fingers. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I just... I didn’t want to lose you.” 

“All the time you spent in the lab, it was for me? You did this for me?” 

“Yes.” 

Kara pulls her into a crushing hug. 

“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” she whispers into her shoulder. A huge relief washes over her. They don't need to run. She can go back to a world where Lena's heart still beats inside her chest. Where there is still time for them to heal. 

“You’re not going to lose me," she assures her. "You are going to be there with me on the other side. I’m going to make things right.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

It’s not a goodbye, not really. The kiss is bittersweet. They don’t have a lot of time, with the others on their tail, and neither of them knows exactly how long the portal would hold. And Kara tries to convey all her feelings into it, every ‘ _I love you’_ and _‘I’m sorry’_ and _‘I’m going to see you again soon’_. They part after a small eternity. Lena’s lips are red and swollen, her eyes big and longing. Kara’s heart beats loud in her chest. It takes all of Kara’s power to let her go. It’s for the best. This reality should have never existed. And Lena will be there on the other side. Angry and sad and betrayed, but Kara knows now she will always have a place in Lena's heart, no matter how much she hates her at the moment. And she will find a way to fix things. But still, there is an overwhelming feeling of loss when she pulls away. 

Lena wipes her eyes. “Be good to her.” 

Kara nods, feeling a new wave of tears bursting out. 

She pulls her into one last kiss, memorizing the soft sighs she lets out and the now familiar beat of her new heart. She doesn’t want to forget a thing. 

She keeps holding on to Lena’s hand as she slowly steps into the portal. 

“Let’s go home.” 

_

Kara’s grip on Lena's fingers loosens as the world around her swirls and turns and rearranges itself. 

When she opens her eyes, she is alone in her apartment. Everything looks just as she left it all those months ago. The only sign that anything unusual happened is a pile of tapes that was left behind on the TV stand. Kara picks up the one at the top of the pile and her fingers clenched into a fist as she reads the title, _“The One Where Kara Gets Stuck In An Alternate Reality”_. That bastard. 

She turns around when a familiar sound fills her ears. Somewhere in National City, Lena’s heart calls for her. 

_

A swirl of emotions washes over her as she lands on Lena's balcony. Her cheeks are a little bit fuller. Her skin mostly scar-free, but she has the same dark circles under her eyes, the same guarded expression. She is making tea like it's just another evening, completely unaware of the storm that just passed over their heads and Kara has a sudden urge to press her ear to the fabric of her soft sweater and lose herself in an old melody.

Kara takes the time to drink in the sight of her, letting the steady beat of her heart calm her nerves. She doesn’t know what she’s going to say to her. She’s thought about this moment so many times before, but now that she’s here, she finds herself suddenly unsure. Lena feels like a stranger all over again. What if she messes it up? What if she made a terrible mistake by coming back here when she could have been lying on a beach somewhere with Lena, safe and happy by her side? No. She can’t think like that. She made Lena a promise, and she has every intention to keep it. (She is going to fight like hell to make sure of it). 

Kara takes one more deep breath, and steps inside. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who was involved with this project, my beta, my cheerleader, my two amazing artists, and everyone who was willing to listen to me talk about this fic and helped to make this happen 😊
> 
> You can listen to the playlist of this fic [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5iXiMeqWMRYcJ1BaZK1fKc?si=psn9teXhS1afn0HCCuIyEg)
> 
> Come talk to me on:  
> [Tumblr](https://mayalice18.tumblr.com/)  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/mayalice18)
> 
> And check out my poetry on:  
> [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mayainwritingland/)  
> 


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